What do you do when your heart’s in two places?

A year ago today, my life was so different. I woke in the morning after a night of tossing and turning, worried about how the oncoming hours would impact my future and nervous about the intensity of the day ahead. I was afraid that after all my hard work, I just wouldn’t be good enough…

February 7th 2014. As my alarm wined its usual unwelcome tone, I prized open my eyes, my hair in its usual tousled state, my bed sheets sprawled across the floor as if I’d subconsciously conquered some kind of ferocious battle in my sleep. And just like any other day of the year, I was unable to drag my pillow-hugging self from the warmth of my cosy bed. That was until I realised. Audition day.

In a second I leapt into action. Stumbling around my room in a still sleepy trance, I rummaged messily through each of my draws, prizing out my leotard, tights, ballet shoes, and the remains of the long list of necessities I had been ordered to take to my audition with me.

Since being a little girl I had always wanted to dance. Despite injuries, excuses and my inability to concentrate for more than an hour at a time, I had always worked exceptionally hard. I knew what I wanted, and always lived by the quote: “Dreams don’t work unless you do”. And so I worked!

But despite my passions for dance and being on the stage being firmly embedded within me, I always knew that I wanted more from life.

At auditions in the past, I had always felt out of place and self-conscious beside other girls whose legs peaked at 5 foot 3, when I barely reached 5 foot 2. I also knew that injuries and health problems had pushed me back, while others had been able to spring ahead with their pliable hamstrings that I envied so much.

I guess at times I drove myself insane. Trying to be like them. Trying to be what the judges wanted to see. Trying to be something I wasn’t…

February 7th 2015. Without the need for an alarm, I awoke peacefully. I rolled around for a while, contemplating how to spend my Saturday, now the hectic week of a journalism student had drawn to a close. I slowly opened my eyes and smiled. I would have never anticipated that a life without a career in dance would ever have appealed to me.

But in my sixth month at university, in my own flat and my new life, I can safely say that the 7th of February 2015 already beats 2014 without a doubt!

Featured image: Strep72/ Flickr.

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